Systematic Breakdown
by the Chronic Meltdown
Summary: You can't outrun your fate, even if you're Fate yourself. NanoFate, Post StrikerS.


_You can't outrun your fate, even if you're Fate yourself._

Systematic Breakdown

Hayate stared at her with a smirk.

"You've got a crush."

Fate rolled her eyes. "No, I don't. I have a stomach ache."

"Bullshit." The brown haired girl grinned as she leaned on the blonde's desk. "Now stop lying and tell me who it is."

She sighed, fingers drumming a steady beat against her thigh. To tell the truth, she wasn't really in the mood for that sort of thing. She'd woken up with a headache that morning, and it had steadily gotten worse as the day wore on. A cold was creeping up on her. She could feel it.

"I don't like anyone, Hayate-chan." Her brow furrowed, "And for the record, you're being entirely unprofessional. Shouldn't you be briefing someone on some important matter instead of trying to poke your nose into your childhood friend's love life?"

But of course, Hayate only picked up on what she wanted to hear.

"Aha!" She yelled triumphantly, a ridiculously large amount of glee portrayed in her inflection, "So your love life _does_ exist, meaning that you _do_ have a crush, and you just don't want to tell me!"

Fate's left eyebrow twitched as the slightest strains of irritation flowed through her.

"You're reading too much into this, Hayate-chan."

The brunette huffed and sat down on her desk. "Please. I'm not overly analytical about anything. That's your job."

The blonde sighed. "Remember what I said about you being unprofessional…? Sitting on someone's desk at work is considered somewhat disrespectful."

Hayate smirked and airily waved the comment off. "I'm your childhood friend, Fate-chan. I get these kinds of perks." She paused mock-thoughtfully. "That, and guess what?" She grinned devilishly. "I'm your boss."

Fate rolled her eyes for the second time in less than three minutes and continued organizing her desk, as she'd been before her friend had waltzed inside her office. "Right. Perks. Sorry if I forget, sometimes."

"You're forgiven." The girl hummed as she peered at her from the corner of her eye, "So, Fate-chan."

The twenty year old sighed again. "Yes, Hayate-chan?"

"Who do you like?"

She stopped rifling through her papers and looked at Hayate straight in the eyes. "You."

And she felt very satisfied when Hayate fell off her desk in surprise. The brunette was flushed, now, and blinking rapidly, and Fate couldn't stop herself from grinning crookedly.

"Got you." She said, and Hayate glared at her for a few moments before dissolving into laughter.

XxX

Several hours later, she walked through the door to her bedroom. With Hayate. Who still hadn't shut up about her love life. Which definitely hadn't helped her head-splitting headache at all.

"Is it Yuuno-kun?"

"God, no!" She denied, horrified by the very _thought_ of liking the boy.

"Is it Arf?"

"…Hayate…wouldn't that be considered…bestiality?"

"So you're not denying it?"

"No, Hayate. It's not Arf."

"…Grr. I thought I had you with that one." The frustrated brunette plopped down on the double bed.

Fate sighed. "Could you at least turn around? I want to change."

Hayate obliged, humming thoughtfully as she turned to stare at the wall.

"How about Chrono?"

"…I'm tempted to say yes, just to shut you up, but no. And besides. He's already married."

Her childhood friend scowled. "So what? There's such a thing as unrequited love."

The blonde sighed as she slipped out of her skirt. "Trust me, I know."

"So…Carim?"

Fate paused. "Carim? _Carim_? Hayate, I barely know her."

"Teana? Subaru?"

"I'm not a pedophile, Hayate!"

"…I guess that rules out Erio and Caro, too…"

"You were _considering_ that?"

"Meh, not really. But you can never be _too_ thorough."

Fate sighed and sat down after she finished changing. "You can turn around now."

And suddenly, Hayate was staring at her in a way that made her feel way too uncomfortable.

"What is it?"

As though she'd been illuminated by whatever tended to illuminate people like Hayate, the captain of the Sixth Division smiled. "It's Nanoha, isn't it?"

And for the first time since their conversation had begun, Fate flushed and looked away. And Hayate had been about to pounce on her newly acquired information when she was interrupted by Fate's conveniently placed roommate.

"It's me what?"

The blonde blinked as she turned to look into curious eyes of slate blue. She found herself blinking again, feeling a little sluggish and tired, and because of that, all the more caught off guard.

"N-Nanoha…" She murmured in surprise, and Hayate nudged her to keep her quiet.

"It's nothing." The captain said with a terribly discreet conspiratorial wink in Fate's direction, "I just asked Fate whom she'd trust with anything and everything."

"Oh." The girl grinned happily as she took off her jacket and tossed it into her pile of dirty clothes, which Fate tended to pick up and organize because Nanoha herself was actually a bit messy when it came to bedroom hygiene. "That makes me happy, Fate-chan."

The blonde could tell it did. The blue eyed girl was practically glowing with happiness. That made her happy, too, so she smiled crookedly. Hayate noticed and broke out into a fit of snickering.

"What?" Nanoha asked her with a confused frown. "What is it, Hayate-chan?"

Fate had the sinking feeling that having the captain of the sixth division know of her feelings for the young combat instructor was going to be trouble.

"Oh, _nothing_." The girl smirked, "I just remembered I have to be somewhere else right now."

Takamachi Nanoha remained very much unconvinced and suspicious while Fate Testarossa inwardly sighed and rubbed her temples in order to try placating her headache. Yagami Hayate outwardly cackled and slipped past Nanoha in order to let herself out of their shared apartment.

The two left behind in the bedroom traded glances.

"You do know that your best friend is crazy, right?"

"She's your best friend, too."

"You saw her first."

XxX

When she woke up the next morning, her throat was burning.

She grimaced as the light hurt her eyes and closed them, for a bit. Her head pounded as though someone were banging drums right next to her ears. She slid out of bed and walked over to the bathroom, slowly peeling her eyes open as she looked for some pain killers. She found the little bottle and carried it with her to the kitchen, where she got a glass of water and drank the recommended dose.

Then she walked back to the bedroom to look for her shades.

"I'm really going to look nice today…" She mumbled to herself, slipping them on and taking a deep breath to steady herself.

She wasn't feeling very well at all.

XxX

Takamachi Nanoha thought there was something strange going on with Fate.

She hadn't been acting like herself since the day before, but it was even worse that morning. When she'd asked her about it, her best friend had replied with a small smile and told her that it was only a headache.

But she was wearing shades, so it was probably more of a migraine.

And Fate Testarossa didn't get migraines.

XxX

"…and on the other hand, there is no evidence that he tried to hack into our database. If he managed it, then he left no traces."

Hayate frowned. "So basically…we can't arrest him."

Teana shook her head. "Not unless there's something else we can look into."

Fate shifted uncomfortably in her seat. It was ridiculously hot inside the meeting room, and her uniform wasn't helping at all.

"There is a detail that caught my attention…" She said slowly, clenching her eyes shut and trying to concentrate. "In the official report, it said that the suspect admitted having obtained the information through the Infinite Library. However, when I spoke with him myself, he said he'd gotten it from an undisclosed participant. So, in all honesty…I believe we may have a leak."

She shifted again and took a deep breath. Her hands were shaking.

"Then we have to take precautions…Teana, I want you to- Fate-chan…Fate-chan, are you all right?"

The room was moving in dizzying ways. She stood from her seat, gripping the chair when her legs felt as though they would give out, and took several deep breaths.

"No…" She said, but her voice sounded garbled in her ears. "I'm not…"

_I'm not okay._

Waves of nausea wracked her body. Concerned blue eyes invaded her line of vision. Hayate was standing in front of her, hands resting on both her shoulders, and she was speaking.

She was speaking.

So what the hell was she saying?

"Hayate…" She whimpered, and it was a muffled, incomprehensible thing to those around her.

Her hands gripped Hayate's jacket. A great and terrible fear rose up inside her.

It was the monster underneath her bed. The monster in her dreams.

"…_from the moment I created you, I had always hated you!"_

Everything was crashing down around her.

"…_Why are you doing this?" _"Someone help me!" _"Even if I told you, you wouldn't understand." _"Go get Shamal!" _"Who are you? What's your name?" "I'm doing this for my mother." _For her mother. "Her temperature's dangerously high!" _Someone do something. _"Call Nanoha!"

_Nanoha._

The girl with the ferret.

She loved her.

_For you, my Mother._

"_You're going to end up just like her."_

Scaglietti.

Jail.

Project F.

Precia Testarossa.

XxX

When she wakes up, there's a needle stuck in her arm.

An IV is dripping something into her bloodstream, something she can't pronounce.

She is tired. She is sad. She is scared.

But most of all, she's nauseous.

"_Fate-chan…" _

There's an edge in Nanoha's voice that she's never heard before. Her eyes, too.

They're sad. They're tired. They're relieved, to an extent.

But most of all, they're scared.

So she smiles, because for some reason, even though she tries to,

she can't speak.

XxX

"What's wrong with her?"

Shamal's eyes are dead, and it scares the shit out of her.

"We don't know."

The answer, for a moment, catches her by surprise. And then it doesn't. Then it simply scares her even more, to the point where she's throwing up in the sink and swallowing her tears because  
_this can't be happening it's not it's not _  
she can't let Fate see her like this.

"The test results came back negative." The older woman – or the woman who would be older if she could actually age – wrings her hands together tightly, in a gesture Nanoha has only ever seen once before. When that incident happened.

When she screwed up, big time, and they thought she was dying.

And she _is_ dying. But not in the way they all thought she would.

"_All of them_ came back negative."

Nanoha feels like crying.

"Then what's wrong with her…?" She asks again, even though she knows, understands, that Shamal doesn't have the answers.

Not this time.

Not anymore.

"We don't know…" Shamal says again, and her voice is full of anguish.

Of despair. Self-loathing.

And she can't stand it, so she turns away and faces the door to Fate's room. She can see her through the glass, the embodiment of broken beauty at its greatest. She's all blonde hair and eyes the color of wine and she's so pretty that for a moment, Nanoha forgets her fears.

She looks so strong, that for a second, Nanoha dismisses her anxiety.

But that only lasts a second, and when they return, they're worse than ever.

"We don't know…" Shamal repeats, slowly, this time, slowly, "…but I have a theory."

XxX

It's been bothering me ever since I found out about her origins.

She's a clone, isn't she? Isn't she the clone of a little girl who died more than twelve years ago? Alicia Testarossa, Precia Testarossa's daughter.

And Precia Testarossa…she's the one who created Fate, right? With the help of Jail Scaglietti. They were working on Project F together. Project Fate, which is where Fate got her name, correct?

It's been bothering me since I found out she was a clone.

Cloning is forbidden technology. It was even before the TSAB existed, back when I was really alive, more than a thousand years ago. And back then, there were none who defied the laws of existence, none who thought themselves gods, who thought they had the power to create life, and take it away.

Even so, I've heard so many things since then.

In the beginning, as with all things, the clones were defective. If it wasn't an issue with their memories, then it was something else, like motor skills, or speech impediment. The point is that there was always something wrong with them, at one point or another.

And however many advances Precia Testarossa and Jail Scaglietti managed to make in the amount of time they worked together- what if they didn't perfect the technology?

What if Jail Scaglietti did that on his own, later on?

And it's been bothering me ever since I found out she was a clone- what if Fate is-?

XxX

"I think her body is failing her."

Nanoha freezes in place, listening to Shamal's words with growing terror, with growing trepidation.

"I think she's an imperfect replica- she was never meant to exist." And the way she says it is sad, and the things she says are true, but they still make Nanoha furious. "I think her body's failing her, because she's an imperfect replica- I think she's like a puzzle that's missing the piece that keeps it all together."

Like a lemon cake that's missing the taste of lemons.

_Hello, little bakery girl. How are you today?_

She's not okay.

But she understands. She understands, but she doesn't want to.

"What do you mean?"

And she knows exactly what Shamal means. She knows exactly what the blonde means, but she doesn't want to.

And she'd never thought of it before.

She'd never thought of it.

She feels like crying. As though she's swallowed a lemon and it's lodged deep in her throat.

And there's panic and anger and a sensation of anguish so great it feels as though she's drowning.

"Her kidney's are failing, Nanoha…" Shamal's voice breaks.

So Nanoha interrupts her before she can say anything else. Because she can't hear that, yet.

She can't.

"Give her one of mine."

_Please. Shamal. Please._

"I can't. Her body will reject it-"

"You don't know that! You don't _know_ that! We haven't tried yet! Maybe she'll get better and-"

"No, Nanoha. She won't get better. Her body will reject it, and anyway-" Shamal's eyes are dark, now. "Anyway- her lungs will start going any moment now, just like her livers, and her eyesight, and eventually-  
eventually- her heart."

_Her heart._

She can't breathe.

"I can't fix this, Nanoha."

She can't breathe. She can't breathe. She can't breathe.

"I can't fix this." Shamal's crying.

Curling within herself. Clutching at her chest. She's crying.

But Nanoha isn't, yet.

And she still can't breathe.

"She's dying…"

Sobbing.

"She's dying, Nanoha…"

Desperate sobbing. Hands clutching at her own.

"…and I don't know how to save her."

And it's only then that Nanoha finally screams.

XxX

It's like a silent movie in the way you feel nothing and everything at the same time.

And by this time, you know that you're dying. You can feel it everywhere in your body. You can see it in Nanoha's eyes every time she looks at you.

"_I love you, Fate-chan."_

Until you can't see, anymore, until you can only feel the anguish, the despair. The pain.

But there's always warmth at your side, even when you begin to throw up blood. Even when your fever's so high you're delirious.

_Nanoha smiles at you. _

"_I love you, Fate-chan." She says, and you're so happy. _

_And Vivio is playing on the swings with Lutecia, and the sun is high in the sky. Hayate's laughing at you, teasing you. _

(She's really sobbing into a pillow, in this moment, in this time, but you don't know that. You won't ever know that.)

_And you've always loved those moments when you're all together. _

_When you're all together._

_So when your mother appears holding a little blonde girl by the hand, you smile. _

(You're delirious, now, calling out their names, and blood is spilling from your lips as you seize and Nanoha- Nanoha's screaming and you swore you'd always be there to comfort her but you can't be, this time, because you don't even know she's crying-)

"_I'm sorry, Fate." _

_And you accept her apology, because that's who you are, because you love without wanting anything in return, _(you always have, with everyone, with Nanoha) _and you take Nanoha's hand, which is yours to hold, _(in real life too, but you never knew that, you never knew that, and you never will know it and you should have said something earlier but you didn't and it's a shame) _and you're happy._

_You're happy._

("Fate-chan! _Fate-chan!_ I love you! Please…please don't die!"  
"Take her out!")

"_I forgive you."_

_And the woman who has always haunted you smiles back._

("I love-!")

And you die.

**A/N: **

I don't know where that came from, but I loved writing it, even though it killed me.

It really killed me. I probably have a lot of mistakes. That's because I can't bring myself to check it right now. I'll fix them tomorrow. I'm way too depressed right now. Also...the fact that I changed from past tense to present tense is to present the idea that Fate's time is running out.

Oh, by the way. I'll be continuing Psychoanalyzing Literature. Also, I have another NanoFate fic that's pestering to get written, which will probably become my main fic, since it's based on my experiences with a friend in Europe.

Anyway. Whatever...Sorry to have killed your mood. (Or if you're sadistic, to have made you happy.)


End file.
